Lonely people underestimate how much their loved ones care about them, which damages relationships and reinforces their loneliness, according to research published in the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology.
Loneliness, defined as the distress arising from a perceived lack of quality in one’s social connections, has been shown to have profound psychological, emotional, and physical health impacts. Previous research suggests that loneliness fosters heightened sensitivity to social threats and negative biases in social perception.
Edward P. Lemay Jr. and colleagues set out to investigate how these biases influence perceptions within close relationships—romantic partnerships, friendships, and family relationships—and how such misperceptions might explain the cyclical and persistent nature of loneliness.
The authors hypothesized that lonely individuals harbor negative biases about their partners’ regard, care, and responsiveness. These biases could reduce relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and support behaviors, exacerbating loneliness over time.
In Study 1, 255 undergraduate students identified three close relationship partners, including family members, friends, and romantic partners. These partners were invited to provide evaluations of their regard and care for the participant. Meanwhile, the participants themselves completed a series of self-report measures, including the UCLA Loneliness Scale to assess their levels of loneliness, the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, and questionnaires designed to measure their perceptions of each partner’s regard, responsiveness, and communal motivation.
Study 2 expanded on this by recruiting 236 romantic couples who completed similar self-report measures. In addition to their evaluations, each partner nominated two friends who were familiar with their relationship to provide independent assessments of each participant’s regard and care for their partner. This study also incorporated a two-week daily diary component, where participants recorded their feelings of loneliness, perceptions of their partner’s regard and care, and daily relationship dynamics.
Study 3 tracked 211 romantic couples over two weeks using daily surveys, partner reports, and behavioral observations. Participants reported their loneliness and perceptions of their partner’s care, while partners provided their own assessments. Trained observers analyzed recorded interactions to measure actual partner responsiveness.
The findings across all three studies consistently demonstrated that loneliness was linked to a significant and pervasive negative bias in how individuals perceived their close relationship partners’ regard and care.
In Study 1, loneliness was associated with perceiving family members, friends, and romantic partners as less admiring and caring. These perceptions were negatively biased, as they were not supported by partner-reported regard and care. Lonely individuals underestimated how much their close others valued them, and this bias was linked to lower relationship satisfaction, commitment, and willingness to provide support. The effect of loneliness on these outcomes was mediated by perceived regard and care rather than actual partner behavior.
In Study 2, loneliness predicted lower perceptions of partner regard and care in romantic relationships, even when controlling for partner self-reports and friend informant reports. Daily diary data showed that loneliness on a given day predicted a more negative perception of partner regard the following day, and lower perceived regard predicted increased loneliness the next day. This bidirectional effect suggests that loneliness and biased perceptions reinforce each other over time.
Study 3 found that loneliness predicted changes in perceived partner regard over time, independent of partners’ self-reports and objective observer assessments. Lonely individuals underestimated their partners’ responsiveness, even when observers rated the partners as supportive. These biases explained lower relationship satisfaction, commitment, and support behaviors, contributing to the persistence of loneliness.
These findings have implications for interventions aimed at breaking cycles of loneliness by addressing biased perceptions and fostering healthier relationship dynamics.The researchers noted that the reliance on self-reported data and observational measures may not capture the full complexity of interpersonal dynamics in diverse cultural or socioeconomic contexts.
The research, “How loneliness undermines close relationships and persists over time: The role of perceived regard and care,” was authored by Edward P. Lemay Jr., Jennifer Cutri, and Nadya Teneva.
