A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research explored how two key aspects of romantic relationships, nurturance (feelings of warmth, closeness, and caring) and eroticism (sexual passion and desire), influence relationship satisfaction. The researchers found that while both nurturance and eroticism are generally linked to greater satisfaction, their relative importance differs depending on whether individuals identify as monogamous or consensually non-monogamous. For people who identify with consensual non-monogamy, having high levels of eroticism isn’t essential for a satisfying relationship if they have a strong sense of nurturance.
Romantic relationships are often characterized by a combination of caring, emotional connection (nurturance) and sexual passion (eroticism). Existing relationship theories generally suggest that both are important for a fulfilling romantic relationship. However, most of this research has focused on monogamous relationships, where individuals have only one romantic partner. People in consensually non-monogamous relationships, such as polyamorous relationships, have multiple romantic partners. Because these individuals may experience nurturance and eroticism with different partners, the researchers wanted to understand whether both are always necessary for a satisfying primary relationship.
“I’m interested in how people make consensually non-monogamous relationships work—meaning the dynamics that enable individuals in consensually non-monogamous relationships to harmoniously, happily maintain their multiple connections; this is the focus of my dissertation,” said study author Michelle A. Larva, a doctoral researcher at the INVEST Research Flagship Centre at the University of Turku.
“This specific study, however, was inspired by the work of Esther Perel and the concept of the intimacy-desire paradox, which prompted us to investigate whether the interplay of eroticism and nurturance may contribute to how people experience their consensually non-monogamous relationships, perhaps differently than in monogamous relationships.”
For their study, the researchers analyzed data from a large, international project called the Multiple Relationships Project. The data came from online surveys completed by individuals from several countries, including the United States, Brazil, Portugal, Italy, Poland, and Finland. Participants were recruited through various methods, including social media groups focused on consensual non-monogamy and personal networks. To be included in the study, participants had to be at least 18 years old and in a romantic or sexual relationship with at least one person for a minimum of one month.
The final sample included 624 participants. Of these, 335 were in a relationship with only one partner, while 289 had multiple partners. Participants were also categorized based on their relationship identity: 217 identified as monogamous, and 399 identified as consensually non-monogamous (which included polyamorous, open relationships, and swinging). It’s important to note that not everyone who identified as consensually non-monogamous had multiple partners at the time of the survey; some had only one.
The researchers measured several key aspects of the participants’ relationships. Eroticism was assessed using a scale that asked participants to rate how well statements like “My relationship with my partner is characterized by desire and lust” described their relationship. Nurturance was measured using statements like “My relationship with my partner is characterized by warmth and comfort.” Relationship satisfaction was evaluated using a scale that included questions like “How satisfied are you with your relationship?”
Participants also reported the length of their relationship in years and the number of current romantic or sexual partners they had. Individuals with multiple partners completed the measures for up to two partners, with the first partner they listed generally considered their “primary” partner.
When looking at the combined effects of nurturance and eroticism on relationship satisfaction, the researchers found that both were positively associated with satisfaction, meaning that higher levels of each tended to go along with higher relationship satisfaction. However, nurturance was a stronger predictor of satisfaction than eroticism.
The most interesting findings emerged when comparing monogamous and consensually non-monogamous individuals. For monogamous individuals, both nurturance and eroticism were consistently linked to satisfaction, regardless of the level of the other. In other words, even if eroticism was low, nurturance was still strongly associated with satisfaction, and vice versa.
For those who identified as consensually non-monogamous, the picture was different. The relationship between nurturance and satisfaction was stronger when eroticism was low. Similarly, the link between eroticism and satisfaction was stronger when nurturance was low.
When nurturance was high among consensually non-monogamous individuals, there was no association between eroticism and satisfaction. This suggests that, for people who identify with this relationship style, having a high level of sexual passion with their primary partner isn’t essential for a satisfying relationship, as long as they have a strong sense of warmth, closeness, and caring.
“The most satisfying intimate relationships are often those that are both nurturing and erotic; nurturance in particular is quite a strong predictor of relationship satisfaction,” Larva told PsyPost. “However, individuals who identify themselves as consensually non-monogamous can feel satisfied within their primary relationships regardless of how much eroticism they feel towards that partner, and regardless of whether they have additional partners or not. This suggests that the lens through which we see our relationships and what we expect out of them may affect how satisfied we feel within them.”
Individuals who were in relationships with only one partner reported higher levels of eroticism compared to those who were in relationships with more than one partner when assessing the primary relationship. Despite this difference in eroticism, the levels of nurturance and overall relationship satisfaction were similar between the two groups.
“The most surprising finding, I think, is that we did not see a similar interaction (between nurturance and eroticism, and how these were associated with relationship satisfaction) when looking at people with one versus multiple partners,” Larva said. “This suggests that the presence or lack of additional partners (i.e. additional sources of nurturance and eroticism) is unlikely to be a key reason behind our findings. The number of partners one has does not seem to be linked to how one feels satisfied with their primary partner.”
Finally, the study examined the role of relationship length. As expected, longer relationship duration was linked to lower eroticism and higher nurturance, regardless of the number of partners or relationship identity. This suggests that the general trend of decreasing sexual passion and increasing emotional closeness over time applies to both monogamous and consensually non-monogamous relationships.
No study is without its limitations, and the researchers acknowledged several important areas for future work. “As is often the case when looking at relationship minority populations, our research is cross-sectional single-wave data collected via convenience sampling, so our findings are not generalizable to a wider population nor do they capture cause-and-effect,” Larva noted. “In particular, most individuals who completed our online survey were generally satisfied in their monogamous or consensually non-monogamous relationships, potentially biasing our results toward more positive relationship dynamics.”
Future research could recruit a more representative sample and explore these dynamics in more detail using longitudinal studies that track relationships over time. This would help to better understand the so-called “intimacy-desire paradox,” where the closeness and security that build up over time in a committed relationship can sometimes dampen sexual desire.
“My aim is to bring to light via the scientific method strategies and factors which individuals can use to sustain long and satisfying relationships across all their diverse forms,” Larva said.
The study, “Nurturance, Eroticism, and Relationship Satisfaction Among People in Monogamous and Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships,” was authored by Michelle A. Larva, Justin K. Mogilski, and Shari M. Blumenstock.
