Nuclear holocaust isn’t a scenario to be taken lightly. In the unlikely event that nuclear war ever breaks out, it’s a safe bet that the world as we all know it will cease to exist, and any unlucky survivors will be ushered into a new kind of living hell.
That’s where “Amble” comes in, a health startup selling boutique pharmaceutical solutions to 21st century problems. One of those solutions, spotted by writer Sean Morrow on X-formerly-Twitter, is an “Oh Sh*t Bag,” a millennial-coded sack of pills meant to keep you healthy — relatively speaking — in the immediate aftermath of a nuclear blast.
“If the unthinkable happens, whether from an accident, disaster, or other radiological event, having the right medications on hand can make a critical difference in the earliest hours,” the company’s website declares. “Because when radiation is involved panic is optional, but preparation isn’t.”
The bag retails at an astonishing $345, which you can stretch into four installments thanks to Amble’s Buy-Now-Pay-Later partnership with Klarna. For that hefty chunk of change, Amble will mail you a small zipper pouch containing three drugs: 14 potassium iodide pills, six prussian blue capsules, and six tablets of ondansetron ODT, the generic version of Zofran.
As meds go, these are basically what you’d want during a radiological emergency — potassium iodine is well-known to block radioactive iodine from being absorbed by the thyroid, while Zofran is a common treatment for nausea caused by chemotherapy and radiation exposure. Prussian blue is also a solid go-to depending on the type of contaminants swirling in the fallout, as it traps radioactive cesium and thallium in the intestines, theoretically minimizing the amount of radiation your body is exposed to.
That said, it’s impossible to justify Amble’s price tag. One could easily build their own “Oh Sh*t Bag” for a fraction of the cost, and come away with enough pills for the whole extended family: a bottle of 120 potassium iodide tablets currently retails for $10 on Amazon, while 30 Zofran pills can sell for as little as $15 to $30 via GoodRx.
Prussian blue is arguably the hardest to source given that it’s prescription-only — and then pretty much just for radiological emergencies. Still, because it only binds to certain radioactive elements, it’s certainly no catch-all, and anybody scrambling around in the dark after a nuclear blast will have much more pressing issues to contend with.
From a business perspective, it’s hard to imagine who the target audience is. Any halfway serious doomsday prepper is going to already have plenty of radiation exposure supplies secure in their bunker, and anyone who lives adjacent to an active nuclear site probably receives free emergency meds from their local government anyway. Maybe Amble identified a hidden caste of white collar well-to-dos quietly freaking out about nuclear Armageddon, but they probably wouldn’t want to be ripped off either.
It might be the most bizarre service offered by Amble, but it’s certainly not the only one.
The startup first made waves earlier this year, when its GLP-1 prescription program caught the eye of a few reporters. In February, WCNC Charlotte reported Amble was essentially giving away prescriptions for the buzzy weight-loss peptides via phone conversations between Amble doctors and their patients, resulting in overdoses requiring hospitalization.
Whether folks will want to gamble on the company’s radiological grab-bag is, as always, a choice for the consumer — but if you seriously believe nuclear catastrophe is on the horizon, buy-now, pay-later would be the logical choice. (What stage of capitalism is this again?)
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