July 16, 2026 9:57 PM
July 16, 2026
Sheriff Unveils Humanoid Robot for Hostage Negotiation Purposes, Which Definitely Won’t End in Disaster
What does it take to keep a county of fewer than 400,000 people safe? For one North Carolina…
Trump Suddenly Opens Dozens of Gas Stations Selling Suspiciously Cheap Fuel, and Experts Are Already Warning of Impending Disaster
Trump Mobile. Trump Steaks. Trump Coin. Trump Vodka. By this point, you know the drill. The president’s latest…
Waymo Takes Revenge, Dropping Drunk Teens Directly Into Squad of Cops
Waymo’s fleet of autonomous taxis has garnered a reputation for causing mayhem on public streets, from trapping drivers…
If You’ve Been Having Explosive Diarrhea, You May Want to Read This
A gut-busting parasite that’s known to cause “weeks of debilitating diarrhea” is spreading across the United States —…
Tesla’s Safety Camera Lets Woman Cruising at Highway Speed While Completely Passed Out
Police in British Columbia are investigating after a viral video shows a woman fast asleep behind the wheel…
Execs Confused and Horrified by the Huge AI Bills After Thinking They Could Replace Workers for Free
By now, it’s clear that the only way the tech industry can justify the cost of AI is…
Scientists Identify Most Degenerate Known ChatGPT User
AI’s promises tend to be pretty highfalutin: that you can use it as your “second brain,” to invent…
Anthropic Caught Secretly Spying on Users
Anthropic, the self-avowed moral center of the AI industry, has been caught spying on its users. As Ars…
Freak Tornado Sucks Man Out of 12-Floor Apartment
When most of us hear about freak tornadoes, we assume they’re ripping through trailer parks in Oklahoma —…
Tripadvisor’s AI Is Telling Vacationers That Gruesome Horror Grottos Are Wonderful Holiday Retreats
Planning your next getaway? You’d be wise not to trust the advice of an AI chatbot — even…
Bank of America Warns That AI Investors Are in for a Nasty Reality Check
Tech companies are running hot, with Wall Street investors sustaining multi-trillion dollar valuations despite subdued earnings. Companies heavily…
Experts Say There’s Now an Open Source AI Model as Scary as Mythos
Last month, the Trump administration forced AI company Anthropic to withdraw its most powerful Mythos 5 and Fable…
Giant Pickup Trucks Are Killing Pedestrians in Incredible Numbers
The true scourge of American roadways isn’t pot holes, rush hour traffic, or grandmas ambling down the fast…
We Are Extremely Skeptical of MidJourney’s Weird Device That It Claims Submerges Your Entire Body and Scans It With Ultrasound
In February 2024, scientific journal Frontiers was forced to retract a paper by a team of Chinese and…
Woman Surprised When Flock Surveillance Tower Appears in Her Yard Without Warning
The law’s gaze has grown harder to escape, as surveillance drones and AI-integrated cameras now track movement across…
There May Be Bizarre Forms of Consciousness Drifting Through the Universe, Mind-Bending Paper Claims
Anyone who saw the blockbuster sci-fi film “Project Hail Mary” will remember Rocky, a creature unlike anything we’ve…
Devastating Droughts Are Punching Massive Sinkholes Into Critical Farmland
Human activity-driven climate change has exacerbated droughts, making them more frequent, last longer, and more severe. This summer…
Scientists Publish Extremely Serious Research About Whether Tickling Apes Makes Them Giggle
We love apes. We love that they’re uncanny but pure reflections of our human quirks and foibles, at…
Employees Are Using Their Jobs’ Super-Expensive AI Tokens for the Most Hilariously Pointless Tasks Imaginable
Under all the bluster of AI hype lies a real conundrum: companies are charging out-of-this-world prices for a…
Company Pulls Delivery Robots From All College Campuses
College campuses across the country will no longer be swarming with tiny rolling robots. Starship Technologies, a leading…
Cops Caught Using AI to Edit Picture of Pathetic Drug Bust
After giddy business executives, cops are emerging as some of the AI industry’s most devoted disciples. Police officers…
Trending Surgical Procedure That Changes the Color of Your Eyes Alarms Scientists
A French ophthalmologist is performing surgery that can permanently change the color of your pupils. But not everybody…
Tom Hanks Frets AI Could Voice Woody in Even More “Toy Story” Movies
It’s 2026 and we’re still getting new “Toy Story” movies. In fact, we’re now on “Toy Story 5”…
Event About How to Adapt to Extreme Heat Canceled Due to Brutal Heatwave
Europe is in the grips of a devastating and deadly heatwave, shattering temperature records for the month of…