July 22, 2026 9:08 PM
July 22, 2026
AI Billionaires Are Starting to Get Scared
As it turns out, telling the world’s workers to prepare for a dystopia rife with poverty and alienation…
Jeffrey Epstein’s Biopreserved Sperm Is Missing
Today in news we regret having to deliver: Jeffrey Epstein’s missing sperm. According to documents in the Epstein…
Trump Shovels $4 Billion Directly to Elon Musk, Who Spent a Fortune Getting Him Elected
Elon Musk spent just shy of $300 million supporting Donald Trump’s reelection in late 2024 — a full-throated…
Meta’s AI Support Bot Is Giving Hackers Access to Other People’s Instagram Accounts Just by Asking
In March, Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta announced a new Meta AI support assistant feature on both Facebook and Instagram,…
Dick’s Sporting Goods Launches AI Personal Trainer to Fix Your Horrible Golf Swing
These days, retailers are increasingly hitching their wagon to the AI horse: big box stores like Target have…
Sports Betting Scandals Are Tearing College Football Apart
The rise of gambling platforms like DraftKings and Polymarket has supercharged a timeless phenomenon: sports stars ruining their…
Scientists Say They’ve Cracked Mystery Behind a Dozen Strange Signals From Deep Space
Since 2022, astronomers have been tracking highly unusual bursts of radio emissions that repeat at precise intervals, ranging…
Authorities Alarmed as Mysterious Figures Emerge From Sewers
City officials were were left scratching their heads following two separate incidents involving mysterious individuals climbing in and…
Neighbors Horrified by Data Center Twice the Size of Manhattan
TV personality and businessman Kevin O’Leary is looking to construct a mammoth data center facility more than twice…
Major Teachers Union Pleads With Elementary Schools to Stop Giving Young Kids AI
Angry parents aren’t the only ones railing against the proliferation of AI in schools. The American Federation of…
Behold! Duke Scientists Build Biblically Accurate Angel Robot
Be not afraid, human. A new robot developed at Duke University isn’t intended to strike fear into the…
Scientists Spot What Appears to Be a Ring-Shaped “Planet Factory” Deep Out in Space
Astronomers have spotted a “planet factory” in space that could explain the origins of bizarre meteorites scattered across…
OpenAI Staffers Horrified When Senior Leadership Hatched “Insane” Plan to Pit World Governments Against Each Other
OpenAI leaders horrified staffers after proposing an “insane” plan to enrich the company by pitting world governments against…
Billionaire Says Insider Trading Should Be Fully Legalized
You know how you curb illegal insider trading? Well, according to this one mega-rich billionaire: legal insider trading.…
DOGE Made Drastic Cuts to a Global Vaccine Assistance Program. Now There’s a Deadly Measles Outbreak in Bangladesh
Even after prolonged chaos, Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency didn’t end up saving taxpayers much money. It…
Man Creates Tiny Submarine for His Parakeet to Experience Life Underwater
Parakeets, which comprise about 115 species of seed-eating parrots, are frequently bred and sold commercially as pets. They’re…
The Effects of AI-Generated Code Tearing Through Corporations Is Actually Kind of Funny
Corporations are rapidly embracing AI to churn out mountains of code. Outwardly, this is presented as a revolution…
Trump Hires Orbital Towing Company to Build Space Interceptors
When the goal is to construct a multi-tiered orbital missile-defense platform, there aren’t a lot of contractors to…
Psychologists Found Something Horrible About the Kind of Men Seeking Trad Wives
The tradwife aesthetic, as it’s sold to women, is easy enough to understand. In our world of social…
Man Punished for Breaking Into Moo Deng’s Zoo Enclosure
The maniac who broke into Moo Deng’s crib finally got his due. The BBC reports that a Thai…
To Get Swole, Teens Are Pumping Themselves Full of Drugs Meant for Fattening Cows for the Slaughterhouse
In previous years, looks-conscious teens might have splurged on glamour shots at the mall, or fine-tuned their selfies…
Foolish Pollsters Are Now Just Asking AI What Voters Would Say in Response to Questions and Publishing It at Face Value
Last month, Axios was forced to issue a bizarre correction for a blog post about a growing maternal…
OpenAI Says Not to Worry About UBI, Because It Has Another Idea
As AI companies warn of mass automation and the end of work as we know it, ChatGPT maker…
Police Officer Helplessly Waves Arms at Waymo That Careened Wrong Way Through Whataburger Drive-Thru
Thousands of Waymo self-driving taxis have flooded the street of major urban centers across the country, where critics…